Where I'm From

I am from lemon scented air freshener I am from pocket knives and tree bark I am from driving down dirt roads at 3:00 in the morning and wishing to be anywhere but here I am from missing my real home I am from lessons that were taught in preschool that I carried with me my whole life I am from illegal pills that she used to look beautiful I am from no escape I am from synesthesia, seeing and feeling colour everywhere I look I am from quivering under the cover of a wet quilt I am from feeling equally afraid for her and of her I am from scars from what has hit hard enough to break skin in the past I am from trying to save them I am from graffiti I am from explosive words and insults I am from what no one but me could see wasn’t love I am from those who told me I wasn’t good enough, mainly myself I am from “I don’t want to talk about it” I am from “don’t tell your mom” I am from “I still love him” I am from finding salvation by curling up in the skin she taught me to hate I am from the smell of liquor masked by fabreeze I am from running out of gas late at night and falling asleep in strange places I am from eviction and trying not to think about it too much I am from checking the “financial aid” section on college brochures I am from “do you accept EBT here?” I am from broken down cars that were all she could afford I am from having plans that were never followed through with I am from revolving door roommates I am from smiling and nodding to keep her happy I am from empty threats that kept me up at night I am from initials inside of hearts carved into a tree by a hunting knife or written in sharpie inside of a bathroom stall I am from gasoline I am from marker ink staining the shapes of words into my arm I am from hand me downs I am from a dollhouse I am from things I don’t want to remember I am from paint chips I am from dead ends I am from road maps I am from her I am what I am