If I were a duckling, the church was my mother.
I folllowed and obeyed to please one another.
I knew not why I'd bother to question,
Why I'd always head my elders instruction.
I loved my family, all eight got along.
Until one day, something went wrong.
A perfect life, oh so it seemed;
Was invaded by fighting and somber screams.
Each night I prayed I'd fall asleep,
But lied awake to hear mother weep.
I'd pretent to ignore it, so it didn't seem real,
But blocking it out, did not help me heal.
You see the oppressor here was quite the bother;
Always here, but never there, it was my father.
Lying, stealing, forgetting, and cheating:
Were things he did, but only the beggining.
How quickly he changed, the lies seemed small;
But money and drugs were the weeds that grew tall.
Day by day, I adjusted and coped
Becoming numb to the pain, tired of hope.
Where was my God, the one who I know?
For I thought He fixed things, isn't it so?
I switched schools one autumn.
My life completely changed.
New teacher, new friends, no goals, only games.
I created a girl, that everyone loved;
But I shut off my faith, so easy it was.
Living my life of the world was fun without fail.
Ignoring the reality that my dad was in jail.
I promised myself I wouldn't tell a soul,
So my friends were oblivious, like a newborn foul.
I couldn't bare the thought if anyone knew
That I wasn't rich, happy, or anything like you.
I envied my friends, for my life was a joke.
Inside I felt bitter, empty, and broke.
My constant pretending put me in denial
Of my toxic environment, struggles, and trials.
Where was my God, the one who I knew?
I left Him behind, what a scary thing to do.
There came a point, in my selfish ways.
That I realized my God hadn't left me astray.
I was deeply grounded in my sin and shame,
But somehow He changed that, and took away of the pain.
He brought me to realize that my ways weren't fulfulling.
Then guided me to pursue further Christian schooling.
How He did it? I still don't know.
How He loves me? There's more than He shows.
Well here I am, living my life anew.
Because He forgave me, for HE is truth.
When I went running, He was still there.
New I am here, and His love I can't compare.
So to those who have struggles, I can relate.
But I must tell you, He's greater than all hat hate.