Whirlwind

I wonder if I’m crazy because I didn’t scream or shout. I did say that I didn’t want it to happen but I let it happen. My body feeling some sick pleasure as my heart and mind were breaking simultaneously. A whirlwind of tactile experiences. I wonder if I’m crazy cause I want to tell people. They’ll say You wanted it You enjoyed it If you didn’t You would have fought screamed There were others in the other room You would have done something. I wonder if I’m crazy cause I think all their words are bullshit and no one knows what your feeling unless you tell them. And no one has the right to judge you because you aren’t the quote on quote victim that is always presented in those mind numbing statistics. I wonder if I’m crazy Because I don’t even hate the person who did this. Some may envy him because he’s great at persuasion, taking over as the mind rushes and left wondering well what was that? I wonder if I’m crazy because it took so long to realize this was wrong. I just wonder……. All this talk about marriage rape, date rape, legitimate rape, to me if you say no then you are entitled to what you feel and forget all of these labels trying to lessen the significance of forced bodies upon one another. I wonder if people will believe this narrative or deem it foolish talk. I wonder if I will go mad constantly questioning the opinions of others. I wonder if any of us will one day find peace with this craziness.