The other day one of my friends said to me "Jaz...you have no idea how many guys check you out whenyou walk by. 

I found that really intersting. 

Considering that here, int he Midwest

I don't feel beautiful. 

Because, I always seem to get the comment, 

"Well I've never dated a black girl before" 

First of all, I'm Dominican. 

Second of all, shoudl the color of my skin determine some differenc int he way you treat me? 

So much that I'm not longer seen as a woman? 

That I am a new breed of species so difficult to understand

That you come up with an excuse that's worse than simply saying 

"Hey...I'm not interstesd" 

Yes, that would hurt and sting. 

But rejection is something I can get over 

Felling like an alievn however...

That takes a bit longer 

Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin 

Getting a NEW thought in my head that no one will ever love me 

Because theres something wrong with me 

So now I hear 

Not pretty enough

Not skinny enough

Short enough 

My hair isn't as long as they'd like 

Or as straight 

Tonge too sharp for conversations 

My attitude too bold to deal with 

But NOW to add to that 

I am not white enough 

I'm sorry I don't fit your fucked up socially constructed view of beauty 

So I tell myself I'd be bold and go up to that guy and let him know I think he's attractive 
Because men don't always have to make the first move 

But I find myself 

Frozen 

Ont he spot in front of you 

It's funny how the mind works 

In that instant I don't remember my feminist ideals of couring 

Or the book I read the other day on interracial race relations 

All I can think is 

"Do I look white enough?"