White Horse

March 23, 2013

I'm falling in an abyss, deep, dark, and painful. Darkness surrounds me. Misery embodies me. There's no sign of an end. Cries of pain, tears of anguish, All hope is lost. I'm drowning. The cold numbness eases the pain I don’t remember... I don't remember why I fought this, this narcotic drug. The days blur together. Night becomes day, day becomes night. The past, obscured, fades into oblivion eclipsed by the white horse. Am I breathing? Lungs clenched tight Rib cage taut Throbbing pain in my skull What's my name? An icy pain stabs my lungs. Prisoner,captive,held against my will. Anguish, muscles tighten, light dances behind closed lids muffled noises become clear And then nothing no pain, no misery, nothing Where am I?

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PostcardPoetJun 27, 2013

I'm very confused by your poem.  The title and the accompanying visual rhetoric of your poem of the tortured black slave suggest this is a poem about the abuses of alvary, but the text of your poem indicates it could be something else.Your choice of words are very abstract.  In other words, they don't really give the ready a real sense of what is being talked about here.  You use words like abyss, darkness, misery, night, day, anguish, numbness, and oblivion (just to name a few).  Could you revise this poem and maybe make these concepts a bit more concrete?  In other words, give us something to touch, feel, taste, see, and hear. Choose words that invoke strong word imagary instead of relying on poetic convention. You have a promising poem, but it needs to be more clear.

White Horse

Keggluneq

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