Who am I?

Who am I?I don't know 

But maybe you can help me see,

I can only tell you what I'm not

and who i'm trying to be.

I am NOT my errors

the ones that loom at night,

the cussing,the smoking,the drinking

the never ending fight.

I am NOT my sorrows

nor my everlasting pain

derived from coffins and headstones

because life is just a game.

I attempt to be my color,

the voice of the oppressed,

but how can I speak,

with a noose around my neck ?

I aim to be joyful

the epitome of glee

but the strained smiles and laughter

are slowly killing me.

Who am I ?

I don't  know 

but I'm  sure you can't help me see

because the answer to this question

only lies with me.