who can i blame

is it me, or am i just blind. if i cant see mentally this must be engrave in my mind. so like me almost being killed wasnt more of a sign, so i engage in wars and try to score high by committing the most crimes, and i was possessed by the streets and drugs and money was its braive, and every time i do something foolish i never thought about staying alive. so who can i really blame besides me, like was the streets really my friends or was it my enemy i engage in war so i guess the streets was like liberty, the world had a hold on my mind so i guess it was captivity. and now i think like what went wrong in my perfect little word? was it just i never really sat down and called on the lord or i got tired of playing with bb guns so i guess i was bored. I never really thought it was all my fault, being chased by cops until i got calt, trying to get information out of me, trying to get me to talk, they even beat me to the point where i cant even walk, and when i try to stand up in front of the judge i dnt even try to look hard, i look at the judge with pleding eyes asking him to free me of all charge, trying to get rid of this falony so my life wouldnt be scared i feel like my freedom is out of reach its too far because i fell victim to the system now im trying to hard. trying so hard to be the oerson i should of been on the streets. writing poems all day until my fingers got weak so who can i really blame for the life that i have besides me)