"who dat gyal"

who am i?
just another 
misunderstood
teen?
another forgotten
soul?
just another
lost cause?
i dont have 
an identity.
the "real me"
doesnt exist,
and if she 
does, 
she's a hell 
of a hider
because i 
cant seem
to find her
anywhere.
if she does 
exist
she only 
comes out
when no one
else is there.
she hides in 
a small room
surrounded by
empty water
bottles and 
ripped out poems
that she was too
ashamed to read
out loud.
when she does
finally leaves her
cave,
she hides in plain
sight.
she hides behind 
long sleeves
and fake smiles.
she mutes the 
world around her
by blasting the 
voices of people
who she feels
"understand" her
best.
she self medicates
and cries herself
to sleep because 
she cant seem to 
catch a break.
she binge watches 
the same shows 
over and over again
because they bring
her comfort.
she fears change
but is oddly
open-minded.
she cuts her
skin open,
hoping that
the blood will
spill and
spell out her
future for her.
too scared to
take a chance
because of the
results.
i dont know
who i really
am.
who am i?
what do i like,
and why?
how can i be
myself w/o
worrying about
the judgement
that comes w/ it.
im in the
middle of an
identity crisis. 
ill continue
to mock others
until i find
myself.