Who I want to be

Dear Person I Wish I Was,

You have known me all your life, but I have never known you

I think I met you once but I don’t quite remember

You smelled like hope has washed you clean and joy is what your life brings

You have everything figured out, and that’s why I wondered

What if I was like you, so free-spirited as it seemed

Having everything together

But that’s just not me

I worry a lot, sometimes too much

I worry that if I was you, then people will really judge

Judging me that I’m too much or not enough

Do you ever feel judged? Probably not

You’re great, in fact, your really all I got

I said I didn’t quite remember and that was a lie

I remember everything, even the things I try so hard to forget

I remember why I wanted to be like you

You were my escape in a world that felt so drained

That’s my biggest fear

Do you have fears? Probably not

I have a fear of small talk, I never know what to say

You were always brave, that’s why I created you

You’re me if I was only brave enough to be

To let go of fear, shame, and guilt

To be the me I dreamt I would be, filled with passion, zest, and drive

The part of my childhood that I wish was still alive

Until then I’ll watch as you be the me I wish I was

The me I dreamt of

Until I become you or you become me

Whichever happens first

Sincerely,

Who you are today… Me