Who I've Become

I've spent time in a maximum security prison, called the "hospital"

I left before my time was up

convincing the doctors I was "okay"

convincing the doctors I was "safe"

convincing the doctors I wouldn't attempt to take my life again

Turns out faking being functional is easier than actually being a functional human being

They believed me

They believed I wouldn't draw the blade across my skin

They believed I wouldn't swallow more pills than perscribed

They believed I wouldn't use cleaning supplies to wash my feelings out

but I lied

went back

and repeated

Many days in the maximum security prison I could feel the walls watching me

Waiting for me to screw up

I learned to let the eyes follow me

let the judgment and ridicule

I learned to watch back

Follow the movements of hatred

and do exactly the opposite

As the walls pushed me away 

I pulled family closer

As the mirrors pointed out my flaws 

I told everyone the beauty they have inside and out

As the scale showed my weight dropping

I ate more ice cream than I could handle

I've spent my time in a maximum security prison

and it has shaped who I've become