Who You Think I Am

I am not smart,

Only pretending to be, persistent,

Hoping nobody catches on to the facade.

Not a prodigy

A genius

An expert

Nothing I do comes easily to me, my abilities come from sweat and tears and fear of failure

I am not confident,

Only faking it until I almost believe it

Running for president on the campaign promise of pure victory

And debating until I’m sick

I raise an eyebrow and shrug a shoulder at compliments while I blush internally

I don’t think I’m very funny,

At least not here, on the outside

Where my comedy relies on deadpan statements of my honest internal monologue

You think I’m joking.  I’m not. You laugh.

I am not the one with all the answers

If you haven’t heard, I don’t know trig

Or long division

Or even the locations of most states

I was disappointed to find out last week that Virginia was part of the Confederacy

after living there for years

and feeling like I left my heart and my soul on the shores of the Chesapeake Bay

I’m making things up as I go along

My knowledge is a result of constant change

I am not the sum of your assumptions,

The pinnacle of overachievement,

Your assessment of me based on a single interaction

should not inform your opinion on the person I am

But at the same time

I’m not stupid

Nor am I passive,

Ambition doesn’t even scratch the surface of my motivations

Which is probably why I’ve never identified with the Slytherin house

I’m not ugly,

To be honest, I’m super cute, 

At least I can acknowledge it sometimes

With pretty eyes and an expressive face and messy hair

It’s frizzy 

But I’ve been told it looks fluffy when it’s just dried, and beautiful messy and half up in a baby bun

I am not “not like other girls,” because

There’s nothing wrong with other girls

I don’t think my experiences are unique

So I wish the other girls and I had solidarity

We’re natural allies, not enemies

Furthermore, I don’t feel like I’m above my peers,

My isolation a side effect of a need to succeed and avoidance of having to leave my heart and soul on another shore

Not because I’m too good for everyone

As much as trying to relate exhausts me,

My situation isn’t much different from anyone else’s

The people here have been through the same thing, even if I don’t like to talk about the whole ordeal

The people I left behind don’t love me any less

And even though I often feel alone

I’m not.