Why?

"I'm Sorry!"

"Please come back..."

"Why isn't he here?"

"I swear I didn't mean it!"

"Why does it hurt so much?"

"I promise I'll be better!"

"Why doesn't daddy love me?"

 

The words echo through my head as the pain from my childhood years courses through the river of discontent that has formed within my very being. 

Everything I think is clouded with hate, disgust, guilt, and pain. The feeling of abandonment is too strong. The rage consumes everything that I am.

I want to scream. I hope that if I scream loud enough he can hear me. He can see how badly his actions hurt. He can somehow take back the years that he's robbed me of and understand that his actions didn't just affect him.

But I stay silent. Screaming won't help, and no matter how loud I yell, he won't hear me. Nobody can hear the silent screams that fill my head. I plaster on the fake smile and go through the day as the world wants me to. 

 

The lady. The drummer. The comedian. The carefree happy-go-lucky good time gal.

I keep pushin' on, because that's what I'm bred to do. I'll never look back at this dark point in my life. I'll move on from the pain. I will grow. I believe that there is hope for me yet, but for now...I'm left asking myself:

WHY?

 

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