Why?

I wonder why I didn't feel enthusiastic when I graduated high school, Or why I didn't feel that sense of thrill and mystery when I traveled across the country to attend a university despite looking like a fool. I wonder why I never feel excited on my birthdays anymore, Or why I feel that New Year's are becoming such a bore. I wonder why I felt calm knowing my father will die in seven years, Or why when my mother fell ill, I felt no fear. I wonder why this desert that I live in holds so much importance, Or why my emotions towards cities are that filled with hatred and ignorance. I sometimes wonder why I think of all these things, Instead of answering all these questions.