WHY?

It's five thirty in the morning. 

Pitch black. 

As my alarm sounds its painfully high pitched siren, 

I open one eye and swing my limp arm around trying to find the off button. 

As my arm struggles to find my alarm, 

my mind starts to wander: 

Why? Why am I doing this again?

Why do I have to be up before the sun is even up?

Why do I have to stress myself out and work so hard to the point where I can barely feel my hands and fingers writing essay after essay? 

Why do I work to the point where my brain is numb, begging me for sleep? 

Why do I push myself so hard to be the perfect student,

the perfect friend, 

the perfect person? 

Why don't I just let the exhaustion take over me and swallow me whole?

Why don't I just stop now and end this suffocating life? 

All of a sudden my arm hits the off button on the alarm

and it's as if the noise in my head disappears and serenity takes over in my mind.

The second that alarm stopped, so did the turmoil in my head

and I had all the answers to my questions.

You do this for your future, 

for your family,

but most of all for yourself. 

You do this to prove that you work harder than the Sun ever will. 

You do this to prove to yourself that anything you set your mind to is possible. 

You do this becasue you have seen your parents work their way up to the top and you want to do the same. 

You get your drive from this flame burning inside you to be the best version of yourself possible. 

You do this to show your brother that hard work pays off.

You do this to make your dreams come true

to be able to help all the kids in the world that need it.

You want to bring relief and reassurance to families with kids with special needs.

You want to be the person trusted with the health of children.

You strive to be a doctor in a white coat,

making sure families know that everything is going to be okay.

You want to give your all to give happiness to families that only feel stress.

Don't get sucked into the Whys and the Hows that make you lose your drive.

Focus on the examples your parents have placed before you.

Focus on the kids with dissabilities you work with today:

The kids who cannot speak,

the kids who cannot walk,

the kids who cannot focus,

and the kids who cannot comprehend

but who still find a wat to trust you and communicate their needs with you.

Focus on them and remember their stories and hardships and how seeing them every day

drives you to someday be able to make a larger impact in their lives.

Focus on your goal of pediatric neurology.

And never

associate this life 

with burden

or suffocation.

Let your light shine through and allow yourself to be pushed along

by all the things that inspire you.

And just like that I got out of bed, ready to go to school yet again,

push myself once more,

keep striving towards my goals,

and be ready to do this for days without end

unitl my inspirations carry me to where I want to be.