Why

Why do I feel this fear

Anxiety

Uncertainty 

About something I was so sure of for so long

About the idea of marriage, union 

A happy day

Full of bliss

But when I imagine your face at the alter 

It’s quite the opposite 

Fear 

Anger

Being misunderstood

One conversation

Leads to one argument

Leads to walls being further built around myself 

I am in love with the idea of being safe

In love with the idea of being a fortress 

But a fortress stands alone 

The wind howls lonely through the corridors 

And loneliness is just as bad as worry 

So which is the lesser of evil

To stay and mess it up

To leave and mess it up 

Whose lives will be left in the balance at the end?