Why Am I?

Fuck. ... ... ... Might as well start this With my best foot forward. Do you want the story? Emotional exploring? A lot has happened In the last 20 years. ... ... ... Relatively so. ... ... ... 20 years. It's either a very long time Or just another very small Fraction of life. ... ... ... One more time for good measure: Fuck. ... ... ... Okay. It's throwback Monday. Let's turn back the hands of time. I've decided to rewind back To the year 2005. ... ... ... Long hair. I cared. Everyone else cared Enough for me to know That I wasn't fitting in I was different from All them. ... ... ... In retrospect I see I was merely a projector screen For all my peers collectively Deflecting insecurities. ... ... ... What a shame. Such potential in that long-haired, Self-conscious, chubby kid. Distraction! Distraction! What exactly do you plan To accomplish here? Success? Don't forget You got priorities to address. Like the opinions of a bunch of Prepubescent shit-heads ... ... ... Time trickles on as it does, With an immortal persistence. It's now 2008 And it's time for transitions. But of only locations, The mindset's complacent. ... ... ... As if all of my hatred For all in existence Just wasn't enough, ¶ I hated my situation as well. ... ... ... To tell you the truth, I hated myself. ... ... ... As time trudges onward, My depression manifests. Subtly at first, But quickly turns to a mess. I'm obtuse and abusive To everyone I should love. I even orchestrate an escape. I'm underage and I'm gone. ... ... ... That's when my demons Need an excersizing Instead of couch potato Days of crazy multiplying. I must have had a metropolis Like an obstacle full of all the shit You never wanna come Face-to-face with. ... ... ... That's when she arrived And all was fine and dandy My demons disappeared And I found a bag of candy. ... ... ... If only, If only, The woodpecker cries. The tails of the fairies Would touch on our lives. ... ... ... Codependency. I don't desire to elaborate. 2 and 1/2 years elapse And 'fucked' becomes a Situational understatement. ... ... ... The green-eyed monster Slithering its way into my life Methodically plotting The demolition of all that is mine. ... ... ... Success! For the enemy. ... ... ... I made a gateway decision Next thing you know I'm burning thru bridges And paydays like Swishers I'm homeless and dirty, A shameful ol' sinner. I strung out my hustle It kept getting thinner And now it's no longer So I'm just a goner. ... ... ... There's rocks on the bottom I pray you don't know. Just take up my word That's no place you should go. They're sharp and malicious They find tears delicious. So truly distasteful, My consciousness shifted. ... ... ... All the bottled up hatred Escaped from its captor And gave itself up for The universe's balance. The void that remained Was quickly retaken Potential from 2005 Is awakened. ... ... ... So many locked doors I just found the key to It's gonna take me time To finish up what I need to To soak up the wisdom That flows with the day. Epiphanies seem to be More commonplace Now that love's the replacement For negative vibes I'm honestly living a helluva life ... ... ... I've so much improved But I'm still far from perfect. Rebuilding burnt bridges Is hard labor work, man Persistence and focus Make closer, your goals. Attention's your payment, Don't go through default. Just do what you came here to do And then move it. There's bigger and better In store here for you. ... ... ... So what makes me me? All the fucked up scenes That I've created with ease On my journey back to righteousness, The shit that I've seen. The wonder of the world And all that lies beyond. Embracing imperfection And making the best of what I got. ... ... ...