Why Am I Different?

They say laughter is the best medicine; I haven't had medicine in ages. I don't know the last time I giggled so hard that my insides hurt, or I was begging for the situation to change so I could catch my breath. I would pay anything for the key to the locked door, or the strength to win this war. I wonder when laughter will be an action, not just a view from the outside looking in. So many people take the chuckles for granted and they don't truly appreciate the pain in their muscles that they want to stop. Why am I different? They say a day without laughter is a day wasted; I must have wasted years by now. I don't know the last time I was filled with pure joy or giggled with a warm ache in the pit of my stomach. I would give the world to feel my eyes tears from pure joy and be lost in happiness instead of treading water in this sea of loneliness. I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way. So many people smile and move on, never looking back. Why am I different? They say laughter brightens the soul and removes the cold; I understand why I am dark and frigid. I don't recall the last time I was remorseless, just free to feel how I wanted. I would give anything for the lack of oxygen in my lungs from the roar of laughter, just for a break from the intensity. I wonder if I have a purpose in the greater scheme and what my significance is. So many people live day to day on the adventure of life and survive on laughter alone. Why am I different?