Why Couldn't I Do It?

.....Why couldn't I do it? 

Often has this question played in my mind. 

Why could I not just do it? 

What stopped me? What kept me alive? 

.....

It always starts with Hopelessness, 

That feeling that no one gives a damn about 

What I say or what I do. 

Could I have stayed to prove them wrong? 

Did I stay to give them something to give a damn about? 

..... 

There was a knife, 

Some bleach, 

And once there was even a gun. 

I have sliced, 

I have sipped, 

I have almost pulled the trigger. 

Why couldn't I do it? 

...I don't know anymore...

I didn't talk about it. 

I didn't go see a doctor. 

I couldn't just do it. 

I wanted to see if what 

I was giving up was worth 

So much trouble. 

I wanted to see what was 

In store for my future. 

I wanted to know why I stayed.