Why Did I Even Come To Neverland?

Once Upon A Time…

Well, ain't that how it goes?

No "once upon a time" for me

No fairy godmothers, no magic kiss at midnight

No, I got cast as the villain in this story

Man, all I wanted was to get out of freakin’ Neverland,

But no, that Pan kid just wants to mess things up for me.

I thought hey, let’s be friendly,

Give the kid a chance,

There’s no way anything bad can happen, right?

Wrong.

Why did I even come to Neverland?

Not only was the kid a total brat,

But then somehow I started an intense war between us,

And he cut off my hand and fed it to a crocodile.

Let me repeat this.

He cut off my hand.

This kid who couldn’t be more than fifteen years old literally chopped off my hand.

Why did I even come to Neverland?

How am I supposed to deal with that?

I mean, was I not allowed to be mad at him?

I just wanted a little bit of revenge against Pan,

Nothing major, just make a few sword wounds,

Just a little something to teach him a lesson.

And now I’ve got this blasted crocodile after me,

Scaring me half to death.

Why did I even come to Neverland?

I think the worst part is that he always wins.

I know he is going to always win and it burns me to the core.

I think being a villain is the worst job ever,

Being a Disney villain is even worse.

Every little boy wants to play Peter Pan,

But no one wants to be Captain Hook.

Why did I even come to Neverland?

And I’m a pirate.

Literally, all I wanted to be was a merchant.

So, what if I have fancy clothes and carry a sword?

That’s what people do nowadays, right?

And to top it off, I’m in charge of a gang of bumbling idiots

They call themselves a crew.

Why did I even come to Neverland?