Why Didn't I get to Choose?

I tried to be strong. I tried to be brave.  But why am I here? Why am i O.K.?

When, you, i couldn't save. Then had to watch as my child was lowered into a grave. 

Since that day im dead myself, nothing left but this empty shell stuck in a living hell.

But it's what i deserve,,,& I know this well.

The very first day i brought you into this place,,,,,oh that beautiful innocent face. 

I promised to always protect you & to keep you safe. But i failed and a now your

just gone, without a trace. Oh, God, why couldn't you let me take her place?  

It's just so damn unfair! You leave me with kids here and one, i guess, somewhere up

in the air.  Now how the hell do you expect a mother to choose? Either way. I fuckin

lose! 

O.K. yeah i know, you gave your only begotten son but it sounds to me like you had

a choice and you knew where he'd be. But no that choice wasn't given to me,, 

cause if it had, ,,,I SURE AS HELL KNOW WHERE CHANEY WOULD BE!

B.Eady