Why I Don't Try

I don't try

I don't try because

"trying" isn't cool.

I don't try because

"trying" makes you a fool. 

I don't try because

I dissapoint more people by caring about my future

than not caring at all.

I don't try because 

when I secretly enter a whole new world of education and support

the door of shame slams down on me

harder than the rush of happiness 

slowly draining from my body.

I want to try 

I want to try because 

I know it gets you somewhere in your far future

I want to try because

trying seems so much easier than stressing about all of your 

past coming back to bite you weeks later.

I want to try because

I don't want to look like a failure to the family members and friends

who really hoped I would change

to suddenly hate the thought of me

I want to try because 

I see it is better for the low self esteem in my thoughts

I am going to try 

I am going to try because

I can.