Why I write

As I sit here and contemplate what to write, I'll just write what is on my heart, the reason for why I started writing. When I was younger I struggled with putting words together to form what I wanted the sentence to say. I found no use for writing and I was more interested in creating different works of art in paintings and drawings. Later in life I realized that writing is like a work of art; the paper is your canvas, the pencil is your paint and your mind creates the picture. Writing is a ventilation for me to express how I really feel when the words coming out of my mouth wouldn't have the same effect. I mostly write about  the most current situation in my life, like stuggles with my boyfriend or song lyrics. I most recently started writing to God. As I said before writing is a way for me to express how I am when my words won't. I realized that I could talk God in writing. He is my savior and my escape. When I write it's as almost like I am in a fantasy world. No one can tell me what to say or what I cant say, I have the power to say what I want. The power to let my mind wonder into the unimagable things. The impossibles the world labled as are now possible when I write. Writing has to mean something, it's like cooking, you have to put the love in the food for it to taste good. In this case, you have to put your heart into writing for it to sound real, to connect to someone out there who is struggling and saying this is the last hope. I began writing in eighth grade when I was going through a rebellious stage in my life (Thank God that's over). For some reason I just couldn't talk about my feels the same way my friends could. They were close with their families and I was fighting with mine. The more we seemed to fight the more distant I became, the more I turned to writing. In the same year I discovered another language of writing: poetry. My eighth grade Language Arts teacher assigned us to fill in the blanks of a poem with whatever we wanted to put in, my mind was overjoyed with the millions of weird allusions it thought of. The escape from the daily drama became real then, because I realized that I could write about anything and no one would have to read it. I like the way it feels for sadness not to exsit, heartbreak not become an option and you can trust the world. Unfortuntentally I learned that you couldn't trust anyone but God. I was hurt when I was fourteen, did something with someone that I thought loved me and it ended up hurting me, like most people he left me for another person. Im not mad though, I forgive him, but I wonder if God didn't put him in my life would I have gone back to writing? God works in mysterious ways but all we can just do is say a pray and go along for the ride.