Each sunrise highlights this ongoing battle of relapse and recovery. In a world overruled by the constant roar of flying bullets outside your window, it isn't hard to not check under the bed every night for monsters. Once the slow game of Hide-N-Seek is over, the truth becomes clear. the ecstasy of my wandering childhood, erupted by volcanic ash of unwanted maturity as oozing lava melts over forgotten memories. The gunshots roar louder as beating Tonbaks in Persia. No longer were they outside the thin window, but within the grasp of my frigid fingertips, laced in the back of my throat. Self destruction was never a part of the plan. I write because only then could I infuse rainbows and butterflies to create a nonexistent fairytale from a nightmare. This space between the margins are the trench in my self inflicting war. Here, I am not myself. Here, I am not a monster. The words flow through my soul as blood do my open veins. Letters trickle down my pink tongue, waiting to take form of a hushed rhyme. The air I breathe, infiltrated by childish riddles. The black ink of my empty pen paints a colorful story of every page, creating an incomplete masterpiece. Outside, the security of a wispy pink line, my tongue refuses to twist to society's tune. My nimble fingertips do not dare to manipulate sentences to fit the status quo. But my lifeless eyes see the significance of minor detailing where as theirs do not. In my writings, words float as high in Heaven's clouds as birds. Yet, I stay saddled behind metal and cement like a caged parrot. Neither's incarceration allow our wings to fully spread. Hopelessly waiting for the days when my sonnets are enough. As for this night, my poems are the stars that highlight the on going battle of self pity and self hatred. Even in their state, the truth twinkles. In a world overruled by a constant anger and enough loathing to fill the United States, I became a monster. Overworked by relapsing and almost no recovery. Only by the dim rays of a sunset, the truth shines. I write to save myself from the monster I have become.