Why I Write

I write because hope gets lost but the meaning behind what I write stays behind.

 And even though the paper that I write on is ephemeral, it helps me cope with the fleeting realization that maybe things will be okay in a sea of despair. That even through divorce and sadness, you can write happy things and everything can be okay. At least for a little bit. I write because it's okay to be happy or sad and it's okay to express it.

I write because I'm scared of spiders and needles and talking to the cashiers at the supermarket. I'm scared of not being cool at parties. I'm scared of dying alone and I'm scared of falling in love again because getting my heart broken once was enough for me. But I am not afraid to write down my fears. I am not scared to admit that I'm a teenage girl who doesn't get how the world can be so treacherous and so wonderful. How everything changes constantly without warning. How one moment you can be 15 and in love and the next out of high school without a boyfriend or a job or real friends.

I write because I don't understand how the universe works and why we wear pajamas to bed. I write because it gives me hope that things will be okay. I write because sometimes I'm down on my luck and a piece of paper in my hand is the only thing keeping me focused and sane. I write because I don’t understand how relationships can be deemed as worthless the second they get hard and I write because I don't understand why fat isn't considered beautiful unless it's sitting up on your chest, and not on your stomach or thighs. I write because this world is sad, and my words though nothing meaningful to anyone else, make me feel better about living here.

I write because it makes me feel better about being alone and I’d rather be home alone with my journal than high or drunk at a party. I write because a pen and paper are better friends than any that I can find here. I write because it makes me feel better and it makes me feel okay.