Why Me?

I wonder why I feel the way I do,

So jealous and consumed by others,

It boils and churns so deep I wonder why I haven't exploded yet.

The need

To be recognized,

And praised,

And rewarded,

And put on a pedestal above the others.

I need to breathe, take a moment, and stop.

Think.

No.

I deserve this to,

Me.

Because I deserve that spotlight that is o so coveted

Of which I am always a step behind.

I can feel it inside, that feeling it’s created

Not rage, but uncontrollable and spiteful

violence.

The stuff you don't let your children see

because it seems so unimaginable it looks inhuman

I take pleasure in it, I bathe in it

I use it to step on others

I feel no remorse

Because,

At the end of the day, you would do the same