Why Not Me?

The stars seem within my grasp On that roof of contemplation I miss her Her laughter like chimes in the gentle breeze Her smile that dimmed the sun The fire in her eyes the color of the purest amethyst Her arms that gave me such a sense of security I didn't get from my own parents It feels like my soul is falling apart Sometimes, I just want to die so Just maybe I might see her again Just to tell her the one thing I never said often enough And the one thing I should've said before she left. "I love you" and "goodbye" Words taken for granted Words that need to be said I say them all too often now. My gaze turned to the cherry blossoms that reminded me of her lips Then to the moon that reminded me of her beautiful pale skin The stars millions of miles away They remind me of the twinkle her eyes got whenever she'd tell a joke Black baccara roses remind me of the shade of her blood as the medics tried to save her Purple orchids remind me of the dull purple her eyes turned as they closed for the last time Black hellebore reminds me of the color my heart turned when she stopped breathing White camellias remind me of the pallor her skin held as what little blood she had stilled within her Blue hydrangeas remind me of the color her once-cherry blossom lips turned as she smiled at me that last time I should have been in the driver's seat. Not her. I told her I'd drive if she wasn't comfortable. She always had to be the more mature of the two of us.