Wildfire

Dear Ex-Boyfriend, I forgot why I wanted to write about you But then again I forget a lot of things nowadays And the things that I want Never make sense anymore At least you made me want something And so When I saw a star Dashing across the horizon I wished I would see you again Then for a second A single second I closed my eyes And I could feel your hands in my hair But it wasn't your hands It was just the shallow wind Shallow Hollow Empty Like your desires So when I kissed you You left your eyes open And when I asked you if I looked beautiful Your answer was inaudible Always too silent to hear So you broke me Or maybe I broke myself trying to fix you And the sparks we created Started a wildfire One that I couldn't put out Even after you left So it burned the last broken pieces of me The ashes swept away In that shallow wind that feels like your hands Well... Maybe that's too deep for you Too dramatic But you liked the drama Just not in my words So I can't help but wonder If my body was your chew toy Simply because your other bitches were unavailable to play Or wonder if you really meant to leave me alone with the responsibility of cleaning up the mess that we made together Or wonder if you ever truly believed that we could bottle our sparks Yet, no matter how much I want to hate you I can't remember how You taught me how to love So I did I loved every moment of us Of you But then again I guess everyone loves the fireworks before they unexpectedly burst into uncontrollable flames And until now I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of writing about you Because then you'd know I still think about you That I still care enough to put my anguish down on paper I'd be lying if I said I didn't And maybe that was your goal To twist my emotions around your relentless fingers To toy with me To get in my head Or maybe getting in my pants was good enough for you And you couldn't give a shit about my thoughts So that shooting star I wished on Disappears into the infinite collection of dim flickers in the night sky And I'm just another diminished Panty-less trophy For you to stack against your wall with pride Just another addition to your demonized collection Well, no. I still can't remember why I wanted to write about you But I write about sad things So maybe that's why And no. It's not sad because of the way you used me It's sad Because I know if I were to see you tonight I'd run to you And let you run your hands through my hair again To feel that shallow wind again As if I wasn't already burned enough As if we didn't start a wildfire together. Sincerely, And without love, Your ex - Marissa DollyRose Smith