wish

I wish I could say that I am happy when I see others smiling and laughing

I wish I could say that I am filled with joy when talking about my mind set 

I wish I could say that I am overwhelmed with happiness when my mother is

brought up, But i am not 

I get this unwanted anger when I hear about my mother, I get annoyed when 

People make it obvious when they hear my how fake my laugh sounds, 

I hate how no matter how much I cover up my ears I still hear these voices

I wish I was able to talk to others without shaking because its too much for

my anxiety. I wish I was brave enough to tell people how I feel

I wish i was able to look at pictures of me without wanting to disappear

I wish I was able to love myself.

But it's hard to do when those who are closest to you can’t even love you

I wish I could stop these voices 

I wish i could smile and mean it

In the end I only wishing, unable to fix this broken machine

Still wishing