Wish this could be goodbye

So the last time we talked wasn't pleasant And I needed to say sorry for the hostility I was sending I want you to know that I thought we should talk Maybe you'll want to, maybe you won't? All the hatred and anger I shot at you- Is that what I am feeling now? Could we be close again- would that be ok? Or did my negativity destroy any remnants of love that were once there It's all dissolved- well most of it, anyway- I say I'm mature now All grown up and not at all the same Where has time gone- where have my memories disappeared to- why can't I remember What it used to be like to be happy at home To feel alive and awake and excited about the world That's gone now-replaced with something different It's all here- stuck inside me- melted in with my skin and bones Part of every breath I inhale I can't make it disappear- I try and I try and I try I know that it's done- I want it over more than I need oxygen to survive... But we can't always get what we want, can we? What does it mean to be right- if you find yourself alone Not yearning for the past, but searching- desperately for a new future that can ease the pain and erase the memories of those times that felt like ages ago So close to fading- but too clear for comfort What do you do when nothing feels right When the nearness of another can no longer ease the pain What must you do when it comes from within? When the world can't change a thing- but it's you that is broken What can you do?