A room made of darkness,
Pitch black so I can't see.
The haunting moan of loneliness, in the distance, it calls for me.
What once was full of light and the occasional flicker of pain,
Has slowly dimmed to a charcoal color once again.
I hold in my hands what is left of warmth, a small candle
with a blue flame.
I raise it high to brighten the room
but it's fading glow just isn't the same.
I wonder if this is what was meant to be,
If this is who I am supposed to become.
Because my will is weak and my lies are strong,
And with love I am assuredly done.
I want so much to light
the flame of a love-filled fireplace,
But my demons in the darkness surrounding me
always push everyone away.
And here am I once again facing my demons
because they like to come out and play,
It seems I need to harden my heart for good,
so "please somone kill me" becomes a thing I'll no longer care to say.
Maybe I'm broken beyond all possible repair,
a piece of scrap left over from the colliding of two war tanks.
Maybe I'm destined to spend my days alone and
misunderstood allowing desperation to desecrate my flanks.
I look down at my candle barely aglow in the darkness of sin,
And I wish I was the person I was before I let all the corruption of life begin.
I wish I was that innocent and pure girl that I used to be,
When I saw only the best in people and had a chance to live life peacefully.
I wish I hadn't known the pain of another showing me
my beating heart before they crushed it,
Nor seen the face of apathy in it's struggle to form a believable lie.
I wish I hadn't felt the irreversible rock bottom
that coerced me into wanting to die.
Perhaps if I had not experienced the soul-scarring pain I call my first love,
Maybe I'd be able to be sane again and we both could rise above.
The darkness swirls around me, I am blinded by the sin,
And I fear that I must protect you from it, so I tell myself not to let you in.
I hear your voice fading away in the direction where loneliness prefers to dwell,
And when you're finally gone because you've had enough
My candle will extinguish and I will end my life in Hell.