Wishful Thinking

I avoid the paper and pen I'm not quite sure why I hurt in a way Deeper than ever before My heart aches I just want to be free But now I wonder Am I holding the chains Or are they holding me? I'd like to be that girl The one who dances With the stars as partners I want my smile To make yours appear But instead I can't force mine I can't laugh like they do They call me a "joy" I don't know why I am a shadow of What I want to be A ghost of my past A ghost of my future Like anyone else I have plans They excite me But then I wonder I want to help others When I can't help myself? No, I can't I should be locked away My tears unheard It's better that way