Without Wax

You're fourteen years old, and you have Words.

Words that move like smoke inside your head

Hazy but insistent whispers of syllables and sounds

Graceful and warm

Left behind by feelings that burned fast and bright

Lighting up the inside of you with a magnificent burst of brilliance—

So, you have Words.

Of course, this isn't the first time you've had Words

When you were littler, you thought the world was beautiful

And you used Words to describe everything

With the rhythm and the beauty that made them Words

Instead of just words

And your mother didn't really understand, but that was ok

Because the Words were for you.

And, as it usually goes, you got bigger

And you learned that being bigger generally meant being sadder

Less enchanted and amazed

And, of course, you were eager to be bigger

Just like everyone else

So you stopped making Words

And you got bigger.

So now you're fourteen years old, and you have Words

Because you've gotten to the painful part of getting bigger:

Big emotions and thoughts—

Too big for you, really—

So you're swelling with Words, and

To try and relieve some of the pressure

To try and deny the explosion

You write.

Words pour out of you

Some are raw

Some are elegant

But all of them are precious.

You fill journals and notebooks and even notes on your phone

With Words that you can't really control in your god-awful scrawl

And the Words . . .

They heal you.

They get you through the emotions that are too big for your body

And they teach you how to handle them

Little by little

Until you're sixteen years old, and you don't need Words.

They don't pour out of you the way they did

Reckless and wild

Howling in your veins as they rush from your hand

Leaking from your eyes in the form of tears

Making you hunch your shoulders and shake

Now

You and the Words are old friends

Less like a mastery

And more like a partnership.

So now you're seventeen years old

More adult than child, but more child than wise

And you know

You'll always have Words

But now

You can rely on you, too.