Wondering

I am wondering is that man really loves me? I am wondering why he gives money to other woman at the job, I wondering why he spend money on woman instead food that I am straving, I wondering why I always beg beg people for food to eat, I am wondering why he did those things to me to make me cry, I wondering am I allowed to be stress or only he can be stress, I clean I cook everything I did mean nothing to him, I am wondering is everything I doing bad, I am wondering everything I did is just because of trying lloving him seem the fade away, Every night I weeping to sleep, Every day I pray pray so hard, What life suppose to be