The Word

What is the word? The stupid word… Driving me absolutely insane… I'm so completely filled up with something I can't feel and I can't help but shout out and to you all reveal the awful voices in my head that keep my head spinning round. I feel like I'm suspended floating off the ground I'm wading through this pool of Life and I don't know how to swim. I feel the sinking feeling the floor will drop out soon… I'm not quite drowning yet but I feel the impending doom. I am so lost and yet to ready for this journey I've begun. I am without all I'm comfortable with but I feel the power coming from within. I have instincts that guide my way I've just never had to use them. I'm so compelled to do what I never thought I would… to survive… to conquer... I am so angry but I am so calm. I am so left behind but really I'm ahead of the pack. I'm running, running, running, but I haven't moved an inch. I stopped and let my feet touch ground and rethought my strategy. I'm capable, but not so much and I have to overcome. I have to let the past be gone and the future begin to come. I have to let my strength take hold and I have to think my own thoughts. I have thought and planned and figured out this life is not too easy. But I feel like I have seen enough to know I can deal with what I'm dealt and I have to overcome. I have to see it through. I have power. I have beauty. I have grace. I have charm. I can while and beguile and I can do you harm. Look at me oh hateful World Look at WHO I AM. See what force you have to reckon with and which will take a stand. I feel this rush of words and thoughts that I never thought I'd type. I feel this ache of broken hearts begin to show some promise. I feel this rush of feelings that I'd longed to leave behind. I feel this ache like I'm cracking down the center. I feel a transformation. I feel revived, renewed. Awaken from a long, deep sleep, I am NEW.