Words

even back to when I was learning to speak I always wanted to know more, I held such a desire to expand my knowledge in the form of language. 

the beauty of words first became apparent to me when I learned I could use them to express myself, 

I could put words together to try and match the thousands of thoughts that ran through my brain, racing to see if my speech could keep up. 

growing up I learned the art of listening to other's words, using very few of my own to respond, 

listening became so normal to me that I suppressed the thoughts I wanted to say 

and I myself inhibited my own ability to speak

this led me into the discovery of writing, 

the idea of creating a sense of permanence to my thoughts fascinated me, cause I knew the paper would always listen 

when my 6th grade teacher began having us write poetry I fell in love with words all over again 

I pieced together sentences that reflected the beauty I wish I had and I scribbled out the phrases that my parents would yell at each other in hopes of getting their pronouncements out of my head, 

soon I became reliant on writing to calm the constant confusion 

no longer were my thoughts faster than my words, my hand would move across a page and write out things that I didn't even know about myself 

and I began to discover who I was and the person I aspired to become 

as I entered high school I learned the dangers of words 

I was shown that my words could be taken for granted and that people wouldn't follow through with what they said

at the time this didn't make sense to me I couldn't understand how people held such a low regard for the promises they spoke, I learned that humans throw their possessions around carelessly, the most dangerous of these being the tongue. 

for the longest time I lost the light of words 

i began assigning words to myself that diminished who I was, I chose words that reflected my appearance and I ignored the value of my being 

it wasn't until I stopped using those words that I learned to love who I am, listening only to the words promised to me by my Creator, to this day those are the verses I hold closest to my heart.

More recently, I've come to understand that the most powerful words render themselves meaningless without actions 

and because I've always chosen my words so carefully I've set myself up for disappointment In the past when Ive trusted the lies I've been told instead of viewing their behaviors 

Now, I am able to distinguish the value of an individuals words based on the intent of their actions and As I continue to grow up I hope I never loose my passion for language because the day I decide to stop learning and growing is the day I stop truly living and to me life itself is so astonishing that amidst all the words I know 

I am left speechless