Words of the Broken

"We'll work it out again, like we always do," he says.

"I love you. Listen to your heart," he says.

I listen.

My mind tells me to leave,

My heart tells me to stay,

But above the thunder of it all, I hear his words:

"You always ruin things,

It's all your fault,

I know you will screw up again,

I'm always right,

Selfish, Slut, I don't love you," he says.

His words fill my head.

I scream, but no noise comes out.

I am alone,

Nothing can be heard above the pain,

And there is no one to hear it.

And time passes.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"You're perfect,

I love you,

You're mine,

Forever and always," he says.

He is in pain, I tell myself.

He doesn't mean what he says.

He is in pain, and I am his outlet.

I am here for him,

No matter what,

Always.

That is my role, my duty, my purpose,

To support him, to be there for him,

To listen when he is hurting,

When he is not okay.

"It's okay," I say.

"I forgive you," I say.

I give in.

But I realize I don't.

His words, unjustified, stand out in my mind,

Consume my thoughts.

Is it me?

Is it my fault?

Am I the reason?

No.

"No," I say.

"You will not break me any more,

You will not hold this power over me,

You will not place the blame on me,

You will not verbally hurt me any longer," I say.

He is broken.

I see his grief on his face.

He doesn't understand how I could escape his grip.

He is poison, toxic, a drug, and no longer controls me.

He begs, he cries, he holds on, declares his love.

But I have already let go.

Because I love myself far more than he ever could.