wouldnt it be ironic
my thoughts today
wouldn't it be ironic if I killed myself just as the clock ticked past 12
introducing the new year
2021
what is supposed to be a fresh start
a clean slate
feels like a bottomless pit of time
just wasting away
tick tick tick
this year was the worst of my life
I wanted to die more times than not
wouldn't it be ironic
if I were to just disappear
nobody would notice
until the next morning
knock knock
honey are you there?
honey are you awake?
except for this time, I couldn't reply
staring at my ceiling with those same lifeless eyes
maybe I could see from the outside looking in
the way my moms face twists with the look of despair
the guilt
because she knew
all along
that this was going to happen
we were all just waiting
tick tick tick
the clock is going to strike 12 eventually
and who knows
maybe ill survive next year
but for now, I'm focusing on the next minute, the next hour, the next day
that's all I can do right now
I want so bad for shit to change
but it won't
I want so bad to give up
but I know I won't
I don't have the guts to do it
but inside
I'm already dead
so what's the point
I'm just another floating body taking up space with 7 billion other people on this earth
wouldn't it be ironic
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