Writing This Down

I'm writing this all down to hold onto the feelings, to maintain that rush, that high that they give me. I'm writing this all down so it isn't in my head anymore, so it can't choke the life out of my mind and my soul and my heart. I'm writing this all down because people like me need to know that they are not alone in their quiet suffering and silent screams of agony of glances that shout "I am here, I am alive, I don't need your validation or your Acceptance, just your understanding of my experiences," And yet these people can't find the words to speak, they get stuck somewhere between the anger at themselves for feeling weak, and the paralyzing fear that they are so alone in this world and nobody will hear them scream. I am writing this all down to let you know that I hurt too, and that I've been silent in my suffering, and this quiet muted existence has hurt you too. I'm so sorry. Sorry that you have been hurt, sorry that Life and family and strangers who don't even know your name have left scars that only you can see. I'm sorry that you can't see this Beautiful person, this wonderful soul that I see every time I look at you. Sorry that all you see is a storm of rage and anger, hurt, and such profound loneliness. And not the loneliness of wanting to be near someone physically, to touch and hold, to anchor you in your sanity. The loneliness that creeps into your thoughts at 3 AM when You cannot sleep, and you're terrified of moving because you don't know what you'll release if you breathe too hard, if tonight it'll be hysterical laughter because you are alive, or if you'll drown yourself in the tears that just won't stop flowing because the floodgates are open and the dam is destroyed. I'm sorry. But I am not here to pity you for your hurts and scars and your broken soul. I am not going to pity you, because you deserve more from those around you and you deserve more from yourself. So for as broken as you may think you are, you are not Irreparable. Even if that means putting yourself together with gum and ribbon, make sure that gum is sweet and that ribbon is shiny and new. Broken glass can make the most wonderful murals and stained glass figures. Take your pieces, and build a picture of your life, and make sure the light of the future can illuminate through the shadows of your broken past. I'm writing this down to let you know that no person is an island, and that applies to you as well. We all Think that we're the island, but really we're all a part of the ocean, drops as individuals but together a mighty force that can shape the earth into something old but all so New. I'm writing this down for you and for me. This is for us, we are the broken generation, the generation on medication to fix our sadness and to make us numb rather than feeling our pain to help us understand ourselves and what it means to be alive and to appreciate our good days, no matter how often they may come. I'm writing this for us. I'm writing this to let you know that I love you, and that I'm here for you. We aren't alone in this.