In a year

In a year

A veil is lifted

A wound is deepened, dragging

We stitch pigs in science and

stitch hearts at home

We smile to friends and

Laugh until we’re far away

It feels like an eternity

No- four years- since the world

Decided to spin so much faster

When death’s fiery claws drag them away

The world, hollowed, your world, mauled.

In a year

What’s a year to eighteen - a fraction

Smaller and smaller, faster and dashing until

I’m so terrified of everything

That the world will not stop when I do

Demands I move when I’ve got no breath to run

College, careers, goals aplenty but my,

How far away they were

A year ago-

And the year is gone

The month is gone

You cannot rely on time when there’s so little

A year, a year,

Wasn’t it yesterday I started school?

That fight was two years ago,

He’s been dead four years,

He fell apart across the years -

You’ll never find all the pieces

Death and death and it’s all I’m running towards

In a year

I won’t be here in this room

The places change the faces change the world is changed

I learn and love and cry and in a year

Is love even real

And do you know about the way

A heart beats, that arteries beat away and veins in,

That anesthesia feels like someone smudged

The lense on my camera

I got for my birthday

Last year -

Holding hands makes me shake

And I didn’t skip a beat

When I got my acceptance letter

While everyone cried out for me -

That pain is easier now

And is much better than throwing up.

And some friends are forever even if

You don’t see them for weeks

Because their voices are still home in your head

And make you smile even if it hurts your face

Last year

Late nights are scary because you’re alone

In a year

Late nights are warm because they’re filled with friends

In a year

You know love but still feel alone

And wounds ache but heal

In a year

I’m not good at diving

But I can tread water for longer than anyone

And if that isn’t the best metaphor

For my life…

Because in a year I stopped writing

Because of depression

And started writing

Because of depression

But pulled it all together

Because the world expects me

To go somewhere-

In a year.