This year is about me

I've been alive for almost two decades

So much of my life has been spent on others

helping others

volunteering at food banks

tutoring friends

agreeing to dinner with a stranger

going outside at 6 AM to do chores

I'm exhausted

from trying to pour tea out of an empty cup

I need to recharge

alone 

I don't make New Year's Resolutions anymore

but 2019 is about me

my happiness

my health 

my education

my job

my career goals

It's time to stop apologizing

to the boys I say no to 

I am in charge of my time, 

and if they're not worth it, 

then that's how life is

I won't let a boy manhandle me

to do something I don't want to 

I won't let him drive me home

if I don't trust his ability to keep me safe

I got a list of boys I don't like no more

and I've been spending time avoiding them

but now I have to work with them

I think they can sense I don't want to interact

but if they do, I'll look them straight in the eye

and make it clear 

I am an entity to be respected

This is not about me having a feminist agenda

This is not about me getting triggered or being overly sensitive or savage

This is about me reclaiming my life

after going through those messes