The Year After You

I've seen fields that left me feeling feer than ever before,

and bridges so easy to cross that they made me feel unstoppable.

I have felt pleasure and breathlessness,

and every turn I took was by my choice.

But lately I've been idle and wandering into the past,

and I've never felt so alone.

I miss the school, and the church,

and the bowling alley.

All these places I have been trying to get away from,

All these images that die me down.

I used ot tell myself that it was because I was young,

but your face appearing wherever my mind goes,

makes me sure that it's because of you.

You, embedded in these places the way your memory is embedded in my soul.

And i've never felt so alone. 

Now I can't stop running away from everything that doesn't taste familiar,

everything that doesn't feel like home.

I regret letting you slip out of my grasp every time I take a step away

It all reminds me of how you took yours and never came back.

I wish I had that strength as well,

because I've never felt so alone.

If I had been less selfish, if I had been more patient -

These unended wonderings swarm my mind as I rush back to where we once were

Because it's easier than finding a new safe place,

Because it's easier than finding a new home

Where I won't feel so alone.

I'm slowly finding there will soon be nothing here

but places you've forgotten or will one day forget.

I don't know if I ever will,

I'm not sure that my heart wants to.

I keep holding on to the ridiculous hope

that maybe one day you'll run back here, too.

But even that notion is stupid,

Because I don't hope you're that alone.

I've seen a lot of things, out there by myself

It was quiet even when I sobbed or mumbled lovelorn lyrics

If there were people around, I didn't notice.

I suppose that's also because of you.

I keep drinking to a song you used to like

I laugh a bit too loud when I hit just the right note

And you know I've always preferred solitude,

But I've never felt so alone.