This Year of ALL Years

The year all hell broke loose

The year my life was tested

Still so young

I was

Still so naïve

I was

Why do men like to break me

Why do men like to make me

Make me the cliché American slut

The summer of fun

Soon was the summer of woe

The summer before

I knew not of this kind of woe

The kind of heartbreak

Only adults should know

The kind of guilt

Only adults should know

If I am an adult

What was I the year before

A child

A teen

A delinquent

I hope jail is good to him

He does not yet deserve to die

He does not deserve any of this

This woe I have brought upon him

Not quite love at first sight

But a mounting, dangerous love

A love that was taboo

Forbidden for young, juvenile girls

A kiss that was my first

For him, so many

A magical moment in time

Suspended in memory forever

The rain came down hard

Down on our already wet lips

The opening act has begun

Let the show commence

The kisses of the past

Could not prepare me for the later

An empty, full-moon night

And a howl to the moon

The grass caressed my skin

My open, exposed skin

It touched his too

Just as he touched me

Over and over again

We both tempt fate

Knowing what could become of this

These acts of reckless love

A kiss here

A touch there

A law broken then

A law broken now

He cared not

Only our love spoke loud enough

Only the words to fill holes in hearts

Only the moans to the stars

Two weeks to frolic

Two weeks to laugh

Two weeks to run

Run we did not

Unspoken fear took over

The fear of a life created

The fear of a life accidental

A life to change lives forever

Soon they noticed

A change in the way I walked

A change in the way I spoke to him

Soon, all was for naught

The life was not there

The life was still to become in time

But not yet

Not till time

The night I last saw my love

We held each other goodbye

I did not know it was goodbye

Not yet anyways

I kissed him hard

With all the passion a girl could give

A girl madly in love with a man

I should never have let go

For what happened next

It would change me forever

Forever broken to be

Mother found out

I went off with a man

A girl should not be with men

A man should not be with a girl

Not the Christian way

She said

Not my way

She said

To jail he must go

To you room you must go

Think of your shattered ways

Think of how disappointing you are to us

All the tears in the world

Could never bring him back

Back to me

Back to my arms

As for me

Call me crazy

For that is what I became

Crazy in love

Crazy broken

To a place I must now go

To a place I must now stay

A place to heal me

But heal me they won’t

Those girls in there

They only broke me more

They broke my spirit

They broke my skin

Once released

Home is where I went

If home can be called home

When he is not with me

Two years of waiting

It must now commence

He shall be punished

I shall be held

Not quite a hostage

But rather close

A prisoner of war

A prisoner of love

A year ago

I was still young

I was still a child

I was still in love

But what is love, really

A place to run to

A man to fall to

A body to lean to

A year ago

This would not be reality

This would have been a home to love

This would not be my five-star prison

I will wait for him

A promise is a promise

I will not run from him

A lover is a lover

Once an adult

He will be mine

My old home

Left alone in the dust

As for now

To learn from my mistakes

He must go away

Goodbye my love

Goodbye old ways

Goodbye for now

Goodbye old self

Hello new reality

Hello new future

Hello new love

Hello new self