I heard all about Parker

Parker and Veronica

Parker and Veronica and manipulation

Parker and Veronica and manipulation and cannabis

All of it over and over

Through drooping eyelids

And harsh sandpaper laughter

Until it all came hacking away at my shoulder

In the dead of night

When I should have been asleep

I painted this poem

Watercolor on bedsheet

Over and over again

In the dead of night

When I should have been asleep

 

All I could see was everything

          That wasn’t there

All I could see was everywhere

          I couldn’t be

Blind only to what

          Was right beside me

All along

          You were right beside me

 

All along

 

You who held my chin up

          As I began to drown

You with strength enough to drag

          Me from the quagmire

You who brought me back

          To me

You who never gave

          Me up

                    Never left

                              My side

You

The antidote

 

I had pretended to ignore

          I had wanted to ignore

For fear

          For fear for terror

                    For terror for desperation

Should you ever slip away

 

It is impossible to lose

          Something you never had

Impossible to miss

          Something you never knew was there

                    Or so I thought

                              I was wrong

Eventually eventually everyone leaves

          (I thought / I knew)

One by one they all

          Stop writing back

Stop answering

Get bored

Don’t they?    (I thought / I knew)

 

But you are the quantum mechanics

          To my physics

You have broken all the rules

          And now I must reevaluate

                    My hypothesis

 

Somewhere

          I heard that true love

Means “giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting that they won’t”

          Or something like that

Pure trust

Pure faith

The closest I have ever come to religion

          But I trust you

 

I do not fear you

          As they say one should fear

                    The wrath of God

But I trust you

 

You are not almighty

          Not perfect

                    All-knowing

                    Incapable of fault

But I trust you

 

You are not the judge

          Of immortality

But I trust you

 

What use are all

          Those poetic devices when all

                    There is to say is nothing

But I trust you?

 

I see you smile again

For the first time

 

I know you despise the color yellow

I know I am a terrible sap

But I see you smile again

For the first time

And at long last I see the sun