To You

I'm sorry that I've always hurt you since day one.  

I feel like I abuse it because I know I can't have your love.

I don't want it in the long run.

You make me feel better for a second. 

But after an hour I'm dying and trying to be.

Many years ago I fell in love.

I wanted you by my side.

Honestly I thought you were the one.

What the fuck was I doing.

Those days where I looked at you from a distance.

We slow danced in each others arms.

Months past and I found you looking past my shoulder.

Dancing with a different girl at a piano I played.

What was this talk? All these other girls calling your name.

Here I stand waiting to be held and you only care for their needs.

I backed away.

Closed myself off.

OUT.

I want you gone.

Several years later I found myself speaking under my breath to you.

I paced my words gently as we fought our own diseases.

We wouldn't allow ourselves close enough.

Our lives were separate.

I ended up in a hole.

I was back on the ground.

You went down and up.

You went to hell.

You came back with something amazing.

Until now that night I messaged you.

We wanted to fuck.

We wanted to kiss.

We wanted to pull each other down under our hearts.

You have her.

I have him.

What the hell are we doing.

Why does my mind always collapse under your words.

I slid down until I realized what we were about to do.

I shut my mouth.

Blocked you up.

Closed you off.

And fucked my words toward you.

Now I'm upset for hurting you.

For closing you off. 

What are we doing.

Fuck.

I really want to make love to you.

The person I first fell in love with.

-art