You

I see you everyday.

I walk past. Sometimes I steal a glance.

I miss you, and I wish I could look at you and smile.

When you see me smile I’m lying. 

When I see you, I want to cry.

Even now, thirty four days. I still wanna wake up.

It seems surreal.

 I didn’t think I would actually see that day.

So soon anyway…

Right now Shawn has a plan. He wants us to all meet up like we would.

I had that plan too, for us to all sit at the table, but we can’t.

There’s more than one reason.

You, your new group, lack of space, lack of will.

I see you everyday. Talking, to petty whiney a-holes who take offense to a donut.

When you and I have talked, even solemnly, I can tell they influence you.

You swear more, you hardly talk to anyone from back then.

You changed, not for worse necessarily, but not for the better…

We can all tell, we see who you are, but we see a stranger too.

I do anyway.

You still have the characteristics. The humor, the eyes, but also your flaws.

You still say what to do, but you have less self awareness. 

You say what can and can’t be said. What can and can’t be done, but you do it too loud.

When will you realise the change? When will someone do something stupid?

I worry that I still think about you. But truth be told I don’t. When I do it’s because I’ll hear a song, see a brand, or a map.

When I’m not around these You never enter my mind.

I only think about work and music, no love. No ex’s. Only me.

I hope you don’t read this as that would mean you’re back in my life.

It would mean that you know what I think. How I feel. 

It would mean that I’m once more restricted.

That you will have a say in what I do.