You

Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud. My heart races at the thought of seeing you, But it beats even faster at the sight of you. I think today will be the day that I talk to you. But we just pass each other in the halls, Not even so much as a glance, and my heart aches. I instantly fill my head with reasons why I am not good enough. I am not skinny or beautiful, so how could a creature, So magnificent and gorgeous like yourself ever look my way? I go home and begin beating myself up over these thoughts. Most of the time the pain inside matches the pain that I force. But lately the pain inside can’t even begin to match it. So I dress in crappy clothes, and never look in the mirror. What is the use, when you don’t even look my way? I think I am finding a light now. They tell me there are ways to get rid of that pain without force. I learned to find something great about myself and focus on that. It is what is keeping me from crying every day in your presents. I think I am falling in love, but no it isn’t with you. It is with the greatest person, on earth: Me. I am the only one standing in my way, and I am the only one That I should be worried about. You see the problem isn’t you, it was something that I made My brain make up, and wasn’t ever to grasp that fact. I have outlived my darkest days, and now I can survive anything. So when my heart goes: thud, thud, thud Know it is because of you, but this time I will keep my head up Even if you don’t look my way, because I know differently. I know that I may not be skinny or model like, But I am beautiful and confident now, and that is deadly. Deadly to the figment of my imagination of us.