You

January 27, 2016 at 10:40 PM

I have only cried

Over a boy once

Yes, yes

No boy is worth your tears

And it was about 3 years ago

This boy I thought

I would never

Cross paths with

Made me smile brighter

The boy with hair

Black as night

And blue braces

That always peaked their

Way through his smile

That smile I miss

His smile caused

The growing of mine

Sundays were my favorite

Because for one minute

This boy who didn’t even

Know my name

Made me feel on top of the world

Then the Thursday came

The night I saw him

In our familiar place

With a stranger

With his fingers

I had longed to know

Were intertwined

With another

And in that moment

Time had seem

To forget to continue on

To the next second

The earth stopped spinning

And was falling

Falling into the nothingness

Of the universe

Falling out of alignment

With the other planets

I could hear

My rib bones cracking

As my heart became

Detached from the veins

And started toppling down

To the pit of my stomach

And started to disintegrate.

The car ride home.

My dad broke the

Earsplitting silence with:

“Are you okay?”

And that night

In the shower

Where I would sing

The songs that were for him

Was now filled

With the tears that were him

That was the first time

I cried over a boy.

Then came the yesterday

As I saw our photo

Our only photo

That hangs around my neck

For all to see

What my favorite night looked like

And I said to myself:

“Holy shit. I miss you so fucking much!”

The world seemed to be under water

Then I realized it was just me

And ever since

Only thoughts of you came to mind

You

You

YOU
YOU
Fucking you

All the fucking time

I miss you so much

And I don’t even know

If I have crossed your mind once

I don’t know if you miss the girl

With the curious mind

Only intrigued by you

The girl that didn’t know how to dance

But she could sing all the songs to you.

I don’t know if you miss me at all

What if you don’t remember me?

What if I’m stuck in the memories

That you never put on replay

Because those weren’t the ones

Worth remembering?

-(hms)