You

Can’t you feel?

Don’t you understand?

The pain you caused me

It was acceptable

I made it an acceptable part of us

But I ignored it

The hurt

Because that’s what I felt necessary to do

Because I felt what “love” was

Because I felt obligated to

Because it was the “right thing”

I spent countless hours trying to help you find value

In yourself

Love you for the person you were

I was there

Whenever you felt like you couldn’t live anymore

When you thought your life wasn’t treasured

I wanted you to experience the joys of life

You didn’t know I knew

That I was just a title you had

Which made it so much worse

And as soon as I faced an overwhelming trial of my own,

When my world was shattering around me

Where were you?

With her?

Then following that

The nights I spent wondering

Wondering why I wasn’t good enough

Wondering where she came from,

When she came,

Why she came

The tears were legitimately unstoppable

I couldn’t eat

Couldn’t sleep

Couldn’t concentrate on work

Couldn’t bring myself to care enough

To spend time on myself

Working on me

Which I should have been doing

During the two years I wasted on you

You left when I actually needed you the most

Which I believed would happen

But I needed you

To teach me that lesson

One I could never get from anyone else

That love can’t be found in just any old place

Even as much as any girl wishes it could