You Are My Antidepressant

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You are my antidepressant.

I wake up, and drink you in.

Throughout the day you make me happy.

And when I’m feeling low you bring me back up again.

 

But I can’t have you all the time

Because that would not be fair

To all the other people who need your help.

 

You are loyal to everyone,

Especially your favorite girl.

So I spend my sleepless nights,

Wishing, wanting, and dreaming about you

Until I see you tomorrow.

 

I dream that my sorrows are being lifted from my skin

As your lips trace my war scars.

That I hear you laugh against my stomach

Because I’ve never done this before and I’m nervous.

But you hold my hand,

And kiss my cheek,

And tell me I’m beautiful,

As you send me through a world of pleasure.

 

And in the morning,

When I have returned to reality,

I will drink you in once again.

Keeping my chin high,

And my tears hidden,

To make you believe that you’ve done your job.

 

And when I get home,

I will break down and call you up.

Say how horrible things have been lately,

And you will listen.

You will let me cry hard and breathe deeply.

And when my cries have gone quiet

Because I can no longer be loud,

I will hear your breath catch in your throat as you think of what to say.

 

You tell me that I’m important.

That I’m not alone.

That I’m not a failure,

I’m not stupid, or horrible looking.

And that I’m great just the way I am.

 

Then after a few moments of silence I speak again.

My voice is soft and quiet, and barely audible.

When I mumble a thank you,

I can feel you smile over the phone,

Knowing that you made a difference.

 

When I hang up I crawl into bed,

Clutching my big, fluffy blanket,

Wishing, wanting, and dreaming about you again and again

Until I fall asleep to the thought of you in the morning.

 

And when I wake up the next day,

The cycle starts again.

You are my antidepressant.

You are my daily dose of happy.

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