Dear self-esteem,

 

It’s come to my attention,

I can no longer deny it,

that you’ve been too mean

Too long

You’ve been my own personal bully

Wickeder than any snot nose

Could ever dream to be

How couldn’t I’ve seen it before?

Oh right

You clawed my eyes out

Denying me from really seeing

The misery leaking out of from my soul

Into the heavy, heavy bags

Sagging under my eyes

You devoured my heart

Leaving me unable to love

Myself, my family, my friends

The one who didn’t

Couldn’t tell what they had

Until it was gone

So lonely and empty

I was sure I felt

You drowned my ears

Refusing them rest with

Your relentless disgust of imperfection

Distracting me from

The littlest accomplishments

Of mustering motivation to choose

To endure another day

Those never-enoughs bred

Unjust guilt

You stripped my vocal chords

Silencing any admissions of

The sickness building up in my gut

Unable to express the

“I’m-not-fine”s whose

Only purpose is to

Alert of danger

And you, you bastard

You shredded up my mind

Scattering any attempts

To find sensibility and logic

Meant to challenge

Your distorted perceptions

An unfair upper hand impossible

To overcome alone

 

It’s funny how

One little phase I was

No stranger to

Could reveal your

True, self-destructive nature

Everyone had known my suffering

Well before I could articulate it

Recognize its damaged done

Coach had said it like it was commonplace:

“You are your own worst critic,”

And I wept

In dark, on the way home,

With my hood to shield the outside world

Having to delve into my own conscience

My thoughts were swirling

The whys, the hows, the what nexts

Emotions surfacing with such force

That I promised myself change

 

You’ve committed unspeakable

Crimes against me

All arguably unforgivable

But

I’ve always believed

In rehabilitation

Over punishment

to bring peace

You are going

To love me, appreciate me

Someday

Little by little

Healing with justice

For my eyes

My heart,

My ears,

My vocal chords,

My mind

Nurturing the person

I am now

Not who I want to be

 

Sincerely,

Yours truly,

Love,

 

Me